Friday, April 28, 2006

Hollywood law #4

The evil monster 'just wants to be loved'.

Thursday, April 27, 2006

I just had a vision...

It was the future and I was rich and famous.
You however, were disease ridden and destitute and begging me for money because you only got 90% on your maths test.

Wednesday, April 26, 2006

I'm so bored I could eat a horse.

Wait a minute...

Monday, April 24, 2006

Stupid motivational speakers

Why do schools always organise cripples to do motivational speaking for students?
Us normal, functioning humans have plenty of inspirational things to say, but they're treating us like we don't exist.

Non-cripples are people too!

Friday, April 21, 2006

Hollywood law #3

All fat kids must be funny and/or dead by the end of the movie.

Thursday, April 20, 2006

You see,

At my school, the teachers like to play this fun game where they pretend they work at a private school.
Then they go home and cry themselves to sleep.

Tuesday, April 18, 2006

Porridge:

Nature's glue.

Monday, April 17, 2006

Yes:

I am an atheist and I celebrate easter.

Give me some fucking chocolate.

Tuesday, April 11, 2006

If kissing a frog can turn it into a prince...

I wonder what would happen if you...oh never mind.

Sunday, April 09, 2006

No, I didn't "have to be there"

It just wasn't funny.

Friday, April 07, 2006

Hollywood law #2

All planes shown within the first fifteen minutes of a film will inevitably crash.

Tuesday, April 04, 2006

Listen

I'd really love to, but I have to go shove bamboo spikes under my fingernails.

Monday, April 03, 2006

A razor that suits all personalities!

It can hump the ground, AND get an erection!
Finally!

Saturday, April 01, 2006

"My shoes are so gay."

"Your shoes have homosexual tendencies?"