Saturday, December 31, 2005

Happy Freaking New Year!

This year's resolution: New year's resolutions are stupid.

Friday, December 30, 2005

Freedom fact:

From now on, French fries will be known as 'Justice chips'.

Nine out of ten physicians agree:

You are a dick.

Sometimes I think that life isn't worth living

But then I remember orange juice.

Wednesday, December 28, 2005

Who sucks?

You suck.

Wednesday, December 21, 2005

Let's see how many times I can use the word 'Fish' in one update.

Fish fish fish...Oh fuck it.

Sunday, December 18, 2005

And now, a message from god

"Yo, dudes...This is god...shizzle my...10 commandments...izzle. Oh man who am I kidding, I'll never be cool...dude."

Thursday, December 15, 2005

Creationism and physical education are actually quite similar you know

Both are interesting concepts, but they really shouldn't be taught in schools.

Wednesday, December 14, 2005

"...Then I said 'WHY CAN'T WE ALL JUST LIVE?!?'...

...And that's when I first realised that I was a hippy."

Monday, December 12, 2005

Save the vegetables!

Become a carnivore!

Sunday, December 11, 2005

Porn cooking jesus cellulite free accounting finances car pineapple

Maybe this title will give me some more traffic.

Saturday, December 10, 2005

Taking the piss?

Or extracting the urine?

Tuesday, December 06, 2005

The three R's

Re-use, Re-cycle and Re-gurgitate!

Sunday, December 04, 2005

TREES?

DON'T TALK TO ME ABOUT TREES...I hate them so much. Always swishing and swooshing around and dropping leaves and crap all over the place....and falling on MY beachhouse....WHY NOT SOMEBODY FRICKEN ELSE'S FOR A CHANGE??!?
And another thing: When a tree falls down, half of the time it falls on (and hopefully kills) someone walking past! Not that that's a bad thing, but how freaking stupid do you have to be to get crushed by a tree? Unless it snuck up behind you, and cut itself down really quietly, YOU HAVE NO EXCUSE!!! what is wrong with these people?
"Oh no! A tree is going to fall on me, and I only have 5 WHOLE SECONDS to get away! Should I go left? No, right! No, left! No! Right! Left! Right! Le-" CRUUUNNNNCH!!!! (HEH HEH HEH, SERVES THE STUPID MORON RIGHT..AS OPPOSED TO A SMART MORON... AND WHY AM I STILL WRITING IN CAPITAL LETTERS?)

Hot dogs!

Get them while they're moderately warm!

Saturday, December 03, 2005

My favourite sport:

Canberra bashing!

Today's lesson:

Don't be mean to short people or they will karate chop you in the back of the knees.

Quick

Fetch me my puffer! My airways are closing up with boredom!